Once the police closed their investigation regarding the fateful morning I lost my legs, I sent out a text to The Chat Pack during the show.
“Let’s have a 12:0’fun meeting.”
Allen checked in first with a “really??”
Vic shot one next asking “do u really think that’s a good idea???”
My ‘reply all’ of “I gotta get something off my chest” got everyone wondering.
Allen replied with an “ok, sure.”
And then Mary sent a “:)”.
Vic was next with “you don’t have to do this Les.”
After a couple of drinks that aft at The Press Club I took a deep breath, apologized to Vic, and told him I had to come clean. “I was technically driving the car when it ran over me.”
Mary let out a laugh. “Yeah, right!”
“No it’s true,” I said. “When we got back to my place I got out of the car. I thought I put it in park but I must have left it in neutral. I got out of the car, it started rolling backwards towards me and then the car knocked me over. There really was a piece of ice and I slid under the car. Then the car rolled up the bank of snow on the side of the driveway, then rolled back down on me. It rolled onto the other bank of snow on the other side and then rolled back on me again.”
“Well then where was Vic?” Kew skeptically asked.
“I was snoozing in the front seat. Once I heard Les yelp that third time I came to and reached over to hit the brakes”.
The table was silent for a solid two minutes.
“Why did you lie?” Mary finally asked.
“Would you believe it if I told you Les was driving and you saw him lying there in tears on his driveway? No cop would have bought that story. I already had a few so I went into Les’ house, got a bottle of rum and gave him a stiffy right there on his driveway. We figured we’d tell the cops it was me driving, and we had a couple of drinks after to ease the pain until they arrived.”
“Losing my legs and job is punishment enough. I won’t be able to work the studio floor anymore. Sorry guys, I can’t help but think that maybe this cost us the Ballast show too,” I said, half believing it was true, half looking for condolence.
“You’re probably right Les,” Mary said.
“But you know what? We got into this together. And that’s the way we’re going to go out,” Allen reassured me.
And that was the truth.
– As told by former blue comedian and WLKE-TV3 stage manager Les Tremaine